There’s no denying that a man wearing a purse is bound to make the regular crowd clutch their pearls and handbags in shock, horror, and indignation. The mere thought of a burly bro, with his bulging biceps and sharp shoulders carrying around a satin-lined sack, held together by two straps featuring hardware and design is utterly repulsive. And to think that this, this bag, could be filled with, well, a man’s things that he may need throughout the day— like Vaseline, napkins, even a journal— oh how silly that would be! The glass walls that protect masculinity, fragile and delicate, would shatter instantly if a man so much as considered wearing a bag, right?

Such an image was outlandish five or six years ago. The collective consciousness of masculinity and the rigid rules of manliness would not have allowed for purses to be normalized among men. They would have been immediately labeled as “other”— they wouldn’t be wearing a purse, but instead a “man purse” or a “murse”, because it would be unthinkable that a man could wear the same type of bag as a woman. Yet many celebrities that set today’s male beauty and fashion standards, like Jacob Elordi and David Beckham, find no discomfort in wearing purses and bags, big and small, cheap and outrageously expensive— and the terms “murse” and “man purse” are nowhere to be seen when discussing these high profile men. A walk on almost any college campus or a quick scroll through TikTok will show you that members of Gen-Z, no matter their gender, are accepting the tote bag with open arms, indicating a swift transition in social mentality towards what was once a forbidden fashion faux pas.

Historically, the standards of manhood have been incredibly unhealthy and laid out to us from a young age. Men are allowed a limited emotional capacity (anger, indifference, and the occasional bout of joy), a few sets of hobbies (sports, video games, exercise), and a closet that is filled with shirts, pants, jackets, one or two pairs of shoes, and maybe a hat. With such strict rules come strict outcomes of men who are carbon copies of one another, resulting in little diversity of personality or mentality among the men who subscribe to this model of masculinity.

Photo by Nathan Chen

What I discuss here is nothing new, but its effects are seldom spoken about amongst men because self-expression is an inherently vulnerable act that would undermine the projection of strength that we’ve all been taught to strive for. Yet time and time again, it’s been proven that this incredibly rigid model of masculinity is difficult to maintain, and that feeling insecure in one’s manhood leads to dangerous outcomes for men around the world. In an effort to “become manlier” men often take up dangerous activities— like excessive drinking, smoking, and risky stunts which they believe prove their masculinity. When you see a guy named Chad at a frat party doing a keg stand, it’s because he feels like he’s protecting the identity he’s worked so hard to attain. It’s essential to perform these actions because the label of “masculine” is nearly impossible to regain once lost. If one does not upkeep the framework of his fragile masculinity, he will no longer be considered a “real” man, which in a Western patriarchal society renders him effectively worthless.

The bag poses one of the most serious and imminent threats towards toxic masculinity, which is why men have been taught to be terrified of them. As a society, we’ve accepted that pockets should suffice for men, because what more could a man need to carry than his wallet, keys, and maybe a bottle opener? On the other hand, women’s pockets are made to be purposefully small in order to sell handbags, which can then be filled with other products traditionally marketed towards women such as makeup and perfume. In dressing room waiting areas throughout many parts of the world, men hold purses for their mothers, girlfriends, and sisters with cautious and fearful hands, as though a bomb or a rabid animal may be inside of it. They hold bags like they are alien objects from a planet far, far away, and make sure that those around them know that the bag doesn’t actually belong to them, that they would never be caught dead holding a purse or anything that could be mistaken for one. The bag is a threat because it holds the least legitimacy in being a gendered item— it’s a utilitarian accessory that has no proximity or relation to genitalia and which would allow men to carry around tools for self-expression and outwardly show their identity through more than the cartoon on their t-shirt or the animals printed on their socks.

Photo by Oura Miyazaki

What does it propose that manhood can be so easily broken by accessorizing and wearing bags? What does it say when men and women are violently punished by other men for not adhering to the standards of toxic masculinity? What does it mean to be a “real man”, and is that more important than being a good one?

There is something deeply broken within our current understanding of gender that forces aggression, anger, and the negation of self-expression on men of all ages— that supports the framework of a social standard that can only be upheld through violence. In bolstering these standards we don’t allow men to explore their identities or what forms of self-expression can exist for them beyond yelling as their failed attempt at poetry or a gallery of holes punched in the wall as their mode of sculpture. Imagine living in a world where men were encouraged to explore what mattered to them past the very small niche of what society allows them: what could they carry in their bags that cannot be held in a pocket? Cameras, sketchbooks, sheet music, calculators, etc… tools for creation could be taken anywhere, instead of just the keys, wallet, and bottle opener that can fit snugly against their thighs. What could be created, and how much destruction could be prevented?